I have worked retail since I was sixteen years old. I have always had a job and been going to school. During the summers, I would work two jobs and take summer classes. I was always busy, and I liked it that way. Somewhere in my head I knew that once I was done with college, I couldn't go back to my life in retail.
I had a lot of emotional ups and downs about the whole thing. Mostly, I found myself settling into a deep embarrassment that I was floating and not making anything of my life. I was frozen. I felt lost.
My supervising teachers at the high school and the university both expressed that I was one of the best, and what was I doing? I was sitting at home, watching TV, searching the internet, planning my wedding, and basically being pointless. I felt terrible about myself most of the time. And every time I was ready to call my reserve quits and start applying for retail jobs, I spiraled into a deeper, uglier depression.
As of today, I have subbed twice in a high school English class and a high school speech class. I feel light, almost feathery. I feel back on track. This-this is what I have been waiting for. Purpose. Practice. A job that I want. A job that I can feel good about. I feel rejuvenated. I feel like I have been drowning under water, and now I have finally broken the surface and am pulling in ragged breaths of fresh air.
It has also inspired me to begin creating my own lesson plans again. I have been reading my different grammar books- highlighting and post-it noting the pages like crazy. It has felt fantastic. I have purpose. I have direction. I have goals. I am finally doing things again that make me feel worthwhile.
**~**~**
Wedding updates!!!
Alright, so I know my side of the wedding part, and J.D. still needs to ask his boys- he wants to do it in person, which I think is sweet. My maid of honor is Jessica. She is one of my very best friends, and my bridesmaid is my sister-in-law, Jen. I am stoked that they are going to be sharing my special day with me. They are both awesome and very supportive.
I bought two cake toppers on Ebay for an awesome price. Aren't they beautiful?
My flower girls are going to be my nieces, Jasmin and Arielle. They are adorable.
I know what dress I am wearing. I know what I want the cake to look like. I know the wedding colors- red and yellow. I know my theme, obviously.
The temporary decisions that I have made are as follows:
Wedding and reception site- Celebration church (Located in O'Fallon)
Wedding cake- Whipt Cream (Located in Chesterfield)
Video and photography- STLvideos (Located in St. Charles)
Caterer- Something Italian (Location unknown)
Tuxedo colors- Gray and yellow? Gray and red?
Flower girls' dresses- I have found some that I love, but I need to pick the dress type for my girls and the guys, so the little girls' dresses match.
MOH and Bridesmaid dresses- I have no freaking idea. I found a yellow one that I really like, but I am still playing with the idea of MAYBE, and I mean MAYBE, letting them pick their own. I am also thinking of having one of them wear yellow and one wear red. Then the groomsman and best man would have to match their counterparts for the wedding.
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| Flower girl dresses that I love! |
I have also found myself at one of those fun parts of the planning wear a certain someone keeps telling me people that I, apparently, have to invite. We are keeping our wedding small, less then 80 people, which compared to most weddings, is small. I would really prefer that it be between 40 and 50 but I know that will never happen. So I am keeping it under 80, and I sick of the, "well this is my friend and you have to invite her/him because he/she means a lot to me." My muted response is, "I could care less. Pay for the food and extra decorations that it would cost, and you can invite whoever you want. Oh, you don't want to? Then back off." But I would never actually say that. I have just resorted to, "We can't afford any more people."
Also, one of my new favorite videos is "Shit Brides Say". Haven't seen it? You need to!!!
I have also made my first of many paper book roses that will be used to decorate my wedding. They will make up my bouquet, the girls' bouquets, and the boutonnieres. It will be fantastic!
All in all I would say that things are starting to come together slowly yet surely.
I'm so glad to see you post! You sounded so happy when we talked on the phone after your first day of subbing. You just sounded refreshed, ya know? Refreshed and happy and together.
ReplyDeleteAnd yay for getting some of the wedding details knocked off the list. Less things to worry about, right? You know I'll wear whatever you want me to. But I will say that yellow is a very hard color to pull off. Me, being half Korean (aka half yeller, as your brother likes to say) ends up looking a bit sallow and sickly in yellow. But again, I will wear a potato sack if that is what you want. :) It's YOUR day. And again, being YOUR day, invite who you want. Yes, family and family friends are a must, but do you need to invite your mom's friends neighbor's sister, just because you met them twice? No. (and I'm totally worried that I put apostrophes in the wrong spots in the above example. Grrrr to you being an English whiz and making me question myself, LOL)
Isn't it funny when it comes to a wedding, every body thinks they need to have a say in it? Helpful suggestions, hints and tips, by all means. But you get the final say. You don't want to have any regrets, and you're only going to get married once.
Or, eh hem, there are people like me who need a couple of times to get it right :P