Week 1 of Insanity

Yesterday completed week one of Insanity, and I feel so great! I did Insanity everyday except for the designated rest day. I also subbed 4 days, so whatever little voice that tells you that you were busy and don't feel like it, smash it! I was at the schools from 7:15 until 3:00ish and still found it in me to do a 45 minute workout.

I weighed myself today...and....drum roll...I lost two pounds, so I am officially in the 140s. My goal is to lose two pounds a week, and if I can do that, then I will be on the brink of being in the 130s at the end of the month which would be amazing.

What were my meals like? I ate salads, veggies like carrots and broccoli, fish like tilapia and salmon, low fat deli for my deli sandwiches, and chicken. Lots and lots of water...actually, I am pretty proud to say that this week I only had water to drink, no soda!!! This is a big deal for me. I love soda. What about snacks? I portioned out a can of mixed nuts and a bag of cheese whales (goldfish off brand)--oh, and babybel cheese. Yum, yum, yum. :) (I eat cheese like crazy so I get my calcium)

I have also been thinking how I can make better food choices, so tonight I didn't put croutons in my salad because they really aren't the best thing in the world. Also, when we are done with our loaf of bread, we are going to buy whole wheat instead of white bread. Two small changes that, over time, will make a difference.

I'm sure this isn't new news to anyone but dang eating out adds up! So, we decided that we would take the extra money this week and reinvest it in ourselves. I bought a bring red body ball for my awful arms and tubby tummy, and I also bought a pink floor yoga mat because my wrists were starting to hurt and I slide around sometimes when I workout. We also got the Gold's Gym Power Station. It is this long velcro strap that straps around a door, any door. On the front there are six different metal hooks. There are two stretchy arm/ankle straps that hook onto the hooks, and it comes with a chart that shows how to do 20 or so different moves. There are moves that engage all the different muscles in the arms, as well as moves for the chest and a move or two for the legs. It's awesome! I am pretty excited about our decision.

I really do have a renewed sense of spirit for this new journey, and I can't wait to weigh in at the end of next week and take my new body measurements.

Speaking of measurements here are mine. They are terrible and not impressive, and I know that I have  long way to go. But everyone has to have a starting point. I think that I am so defense about my measurements because I knew that I was fat in some areas, but, like most people, I didn't know how fat. I can honestly say that I am horribly embarrassed by them and that I will never ever have numbers like this again, nor will I ever let myself weigh in the 150s ever again.

I don't want to ever be a victim to food again. Even though I love it. :)

Alright. Here they are in inches.

Chest - 38.5
Waist - 36
Hips - 40
Thigh - 23
Mid calf - 15
Neck - 13
Mid bicep - 12.5 (I almost cried when I say that my biceps are basically the same size as my neck and not very far off from my calves).
Forearm - 10

I can't wait for these numbers to go down. I can't wait to be in the best shape of my life. I can't wait to see all the amazing changes that are starting to happen.

Insanity Day 1 (Plyometric Cardio Circuit)

Unless you have been living under a rock, then I am sure that mostly everyone has heard of Insanity with Shaun T. 

J.D. and I purchased Insanity last year. We got three weeks into the program until he couldn't do it anymore because of his back and knees, and I, who have never had a single knee problem, had to stop too because it was killing my knees. It was extremely disheartening.

I am a competitive person by nature, and when we started doing Insanity, I wanted to go and push and look just like the people in the video. I did...for the first day. Then my thighs hurt so bad that I could hardly walk up and down the stairs without crying. Eventually we worked beyond that, but it scared me. Then towards the end of those three weeks, my knees were constantly popping; they even buckled a few times. That scared me even more. I knew that Insanity was a cardio, high intensity, and high impact workout, but I never dreamed that it would but so much stress on my body. So we stopped, and I never looked back because I was afraid to hurt myself again. I was scared to agitate my knees. And, at the time, I was too weak to do the workout without J.D.

Today I did day 1 of Insanity all over again. But I took what I learned from Julian and Bodyrock, and I modified some of the workouts to fit me. Also, I played my own music, and beyond remembering the workout routines, I didn't watch the T.V. because I didn't want to get caught up in the video and over do it.

I know how to lose weight. A few summers ago I went from 160 to 138. I went back up to school and have been between 155 and 150 ever since. I never forgave myself back making all that progressing and then throwing it all away. Because I know how to eat right and workout, I think that I have this mentality that, "I can lose weight anytime." This is unhealthy because it is an excuse not to workout and not to eat right, and then in turn, not take care of my body. Also, because I know how to lose weight and I know how to work out, I want to go all out. Do the video. Run 5 miles. Eat super healthy. I don't give myself time to adjust, and in turn, I hurt myself. Then I get discouraged and don't end up working out because I can't.

This time I was smart. I am a good kind of sore today. I am not hurt at all. I ate healthy. Maybe I can get back on track. I want to lose the weight. I want to be happy with how I look, especially with my wedding being in November. If I don't lose the weight, I will hate everything about the wedding. I need to make this happen. I need to be healthy and smart and not over do it. (And this is really hard to admit, I do have a problem. I do go over board. I hurt myself. I find excuses). This time will hopefully be different. I know that I need to keep myself accountable, but it is hard doing this by myself. Cheers to trying to do the right thing for myself.

Happy Valentine's Day Early

First off there is nothing worse than to be out fighting throngs of pre-adolescent toddlers and ancient lover birds on February 14th for tables, parking spaces, and quality service (which is unheard of on V-day). Service of any kind is non-exsistance on the 14th. The servers basically throw the food at you, and it is usually cold, dry, or fuzzy. Which makes for an overall unpleasant experience.

Because of these unavoidable situations, I never ever go out on Valentine's Day. EVER. Knowing this, J.D. decided that it would be best for us to celebrate this weekend. We got all dressed up and snappy looking.

Proof of the before mentioned snappiness. 

Before we left, he gave me a gift. Something so special and so perfect that I had one of those moments. A moment so wonderful deep in my heart that I knew I would be telling my children about it one day. The kind of moment that lets you know that you are right where you are supposed to be. It is a throbbing stillness that shakes the walls around you and brings tears to your eyes. It was an impossible moment that I have only ever seen poorly acted out in the movies. Usually a moment that involves an Easy Bake Oven that Mr. Perfect finds and the fair and lovely female lead is swept off her feet.

Well, my Mr. Perfect found the elusive childhood toy of my dreams. The one that I always wanted. The one that I always hoped I would get. The one that I brought up once to J.D. many moons ago, and today was the day that I got it!

The Kissing Simba and Nala Lion King stuffed animals with magnets in their noses/mouths? 

This man has my heart more fully than any other person in the entire world.

Once all the screaming and smooching was over we left for Olive Garden. Were we got some to die for food.

J.D.'s yummy food. 

My Seafood Alfredo.

 (He also bought me a bottle of my favorite type of wine. He is SUCH a good man.)

I gave him the crafty I-love-you gift that I made him. I'm sure most everyone has seen it around. I modeled the design after the original, and I designed it on my silhouette machine, printed it off, stuck it on the back of a deck of cards, punched 104 holes, and bound them together. Also, don't forget the 52 reasons why I love J.D. and that would be my gift.

Here are a few of the reasons that I included.

I got this dress on modcloth.com. Isn't it wonderful?

I also wanted to include a view from the back of my dress. 

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!  

LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! 

Running

I ran 3 miles today in 30 minutes. Running has always been something that I enjoy; I just don't like hot or cold weather. Then when it is nice outside, I would rather hula hoop. Man I enjoy hula hooping.

My plan is to keep stretching today, and then do level 1 and 2 of the Shred tomorrow.

I rocked out to the Goo Goo Dolls on my Ipod today while I was running, and it was freeing. There was a guy running on one of the treadmills when I got to the multipurpose building on campus. He had a weight vest on and was walk-running. The sweat was literally pouring off of his forehead. When I began to run, he looked at me like I wouldn't last because I started out running pretty fast. I have to admit that when I run, I love to feel a strong burn. With most workout videos the hosts encourage the viewer to "feel the burn" and "don't stop 'til it hurts." And don't get me wrong, I do that, but my heart isn't in it. I push, but I don't push until my muscles shake.

When I run, I want my calves to ache and burn. I love pushing through the burn and telling my body to shut the hell up. I enjoy that horrible split feeling in my shins when I have completed a hard run. The feeling of my feet hitting down on whatever surface creates a soothing rhyme. Everything about it feels wonderful. And then when I am done, the sick, hot feel of sweat pooling on my spine and clinging to my shirt is a feverishly good feeling. Oh! I can't forget the cold smack of the air on my skin when I walk outside of a hot building. My skin practically sizzles and sets off steam.

I feel so good. :)

Life This Week

I student taught last semester, and then I graduated. After spending all my time in a classroom, making a difference, I got extremely depressed once I was done. At first, it was nice to have a break from all the hustle and bustle of teaching, the student attitudes, and waking up so early, but after a few weeks, all I wanted to do was be in a classroom.

I have worked retail since I was sixteen years old. I have always had a job and been going to school. During the summers, I would work two jobs and take summer classes. I was always busy, and I liked it that way. Somewhere in my head I knew that once I was done with college, I couldn't go back to my life in retail.

I had a lot of emotional ups and downs about the whole thing. Mostly, I found myself settling into a deep embarrassment that I was floating and not making anything of my life. I was frozen. I felt lost.

My supervising teachers at the high school and the university both expressed that I was one of the best, and what was I doing? I was sitting at home, watching TV, searching the internet, planning my wedding, and basically being pointless. I felt terrible about myself most of the time. And every time I was ready to call my reserve quits and start applying for retail jobs, I spiraled into a deeper, uglier depression.

As of today, I have subbed twice in a high school English class and a high school speech class. I feel light, almost feathery. I feel back on track. This-this is what I have been waiting for. Purpose. Practice. A job that I want. A job that I can feel good about. I feel rejuvenated. I feel like I have been drowning under water, and now I have finally broken the surface and am pulling in ragged breaths of fresh air.

It has also inspired me to begin creating my own lesson plans again. I have been reading my different grammar books- highlighting and post-it noting the pages like crazy. It has felt fantastic. I have purpose. I have direction. I have goals. I am finally doing things again that make me feel worthwhile.

**~**~**

Wedding updates!!!

Alright, so I know my side of the wedding part, and J.D. still needs to ask his boys- he wants to do it in person, which I think is sweet. My maid of honor is Jessica. She is one of my very best friends, and my bridesmaid is my sister-in-law, Jen. I am stoked that they are going to be sharing my special day with me. They are both awesome and very supportive.

I bought two cake toppers on Ebay for an awesome price. Aren't they beautiful?

My flower girls are going to be my nieces, Jasmin and Arielle. They are adorable.

I know what dress I am wearing. I know what I want the cake to look like. I know the wedding colors- red and yellow. I know my theme, obviously.

The temporary decisions that I have made are as follows:

Wedding and reception site- Celebration church (Located in O'Fallon)
Wedding cake- Whipt Cream (Located in Chesterfield)
Video and photography- STLvideos (Located in St. Charles)
Caterer- Something Italian (Location unknown)
Tuxedo colors- Gray and yellow? Gray and red?
Flower girls' dresses- I have found some that I love, but I need to pick the dress type for my girls and the guys, so the little girls' dresses match.
MOH and Bridesmaid dresses- I have no freaking idea. I found a yellow one that I really like, but I am still playing with the idea of MAYBE, and I mean MAYBE, letting them pick their own. I am also thinking of having one of them wear yellow and one wear red. Then the groomsman and best man would have to match their counterparts for the wedding.

Flower girl dresses that I love!

I have also found myself at one of those fun parts of the planning wear a certain someone keeps telling me people that I, apparently, have to invite. We are keeping our wedding small, less then 80 people, which compared to most weddings, is small. I would really prefer that it be between 40 and 50 but I know that will never happen. So I am keeping it under 80, and I sick of the, "well this is my friend and you have to invite her/him because he/she means a lot to me." My muted response is, "I could care less. Pay for the food and extra decorations that it would cost, and you can invite whoever you want. Oh, you don't want to? Then back off." But I would never actually say that. I have just resorted to, "We can't afford any more people."

Also, one of my new favorite videos is "Shit Brides Say". Haven't seen it? You need to!!!

I have also made my first of many paper book roses that will be used to decorate my wedding. They will make up my bouquet, the girls' bouquets, and the boutonnieres. It will be fantastic!

All in all I would say that things are starting to come together slowly yet surely.

Fallen off of the face of the earth? Maybe!

I worked out today. I was hurt and then super-duper-don't-look-at-me-sick for a long time.

To sum up the workout it sucked, and I did my best...no I didn't.

Tomorrow I will do better. I have to.

JM 30 Day Shred - Day 7 and some engagement stuff

I am healing. This means that I did the Shred today, but I did it toned down. I did everything except for lunges and squats, which I think is reasonable. Let me tell you that taking almost two full days off in a row showed me how far I had come working out. My body felt it tonight! OW! But it was the good kind of ow, not the "oh my god I can't move my leg now carry me from room to room" kind of ow. So that is a good thing.

Also, I was upset when I timed some of Jillian's workouts. I kept feeling like certain exercises were lasting longer then what she said they were. Most of the exercises that I timed were anywhere between 10 to 25 seconds longer then she said they were going to be. I don't know if it is a good thing that she is lying about the time and everyone is being pushed past the time limit, or if it is just plain mean because it feels like forever when she says 30 seconds and it ends up being 50 seconds.

I want to do Bodyrock day 7, but I am scared to push too hard. I am thinking that tomorrow I will kick the day off with day 7 of Bodyrock and depending on how I feel do day 8, and then end the day with the Shred like usual.

Here is my truth moment. After having the time off from working out, it was hard to convince myself to jump back in. The pain was still there today, and it would have been so easy to pout and whine some more about my leg and how I just couldn't do it today. One of the reasons that I did the Shred today was because I got the dresses in for my our :) engagement photo shoot, and the truth is that I fit into the yellow one (a little frumpy, but that will go away with the weight loss) and the strawberry, white, and pink dress doesn't fit. It is really short, and it made me sad. The dress was relatively expensive, and there is a part of me that is hoping that I will fit into after I lose weight, but the other part of me keeps asking if I am really sure that I want to take that chance. What if it doesn't fit ever? Do I want to take the chance? And if I send it back, what if the place stops carrying it? I would be crushed; it is the dress that resembles perfectly what I want.

Here, I'll show you.

So I have no idea what I want to do about the pink dress. I also want to do more of a vintage hairstyle for the session. Maybe a hairstyle from the Notebook because I am loving a more vintage look right now.

Food log

Breakfast - 9:20
Almond crunch bar

Lunch - 12:00
Seafood Alfredo leftovers
2 crossants

Snack 4:30
popsicle
a cookie

Dinner - 5:20
Seafood Alfredo leftovers
crossant
popsicle (don't worry, they are almost gone, and I will not be buying anymore of them)